I am 35 years old now, just about the age that my dad was then. He's going to turn 70 this fall. He still looks pretty much the same to me. The change has been gradual, so maybe that affects my thoughts on his age. Or maybe the fault lies with that book. Perhaps that is why, if somebody put a gun to my head and gave me half a second to tell them my dad's age, I'd probably blurt out "40don'tkillmehe's40Iswear." Or maybe it's because my dad was 40 when I started going through things, in regard to our father-son relationship, that impacted me enough to make that period stand out and create a lasting impression on me. It's above my pay grade, really, but those are some thoughts.
I stayed with my brother, B, his wife, J, and their children last night. B has been my brother since I was born, as is the custom for many little brothers. In my head, he is about 9 years old. Or he is about 17 years old. Those are the ages when I remember himbeing the most and, while I'm not sure this is possible, for the longest. When he was around those ages, he just was. Now, he's in his 30s, he's married to J, has children, has gainful employment, co-owns a home with J and a bank, founded a 501(c)(3), AND bought me dinner at Golden Corral. Yet, if put in the gun-to-the-head scenario again, I'd probably yell, "He'seither9or17manfigureitoutyourself."
Why does this happen? Is it the book from 1st grade that is to blame? Is it B's fault for making a big impression on me during those times in our lives? Though there are things he does now that remind me of the things he did as a kid, he certainly doesn't act like 9- or 17-year-old B any longer. So, at the end of the day, I might just have to settle with not knowing why I view him as being those ages. It could be one of those things that just is, and I'll have to live with it. I'm open to hearing thoughts and possible explanations, but for the time being, I'm alright with my weirdness. As it turns out, memories of 9- and 17-year-old B are really great. In regard to having older brothers, I absolutely could have done worse.